i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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