Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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