he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
