her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
