the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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