i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
