Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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