Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
