6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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