i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
