wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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