Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
