Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Its about making memories worth repressing
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
