She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
