Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
