Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
