There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
