I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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