At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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