The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
please come you make the beer taste better
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
