Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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