Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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