Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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