youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
