He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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