I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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