I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
