I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How does one acquire holy water?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
