no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
