The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
