hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
