but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
