At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
