The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
