I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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