Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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