Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize