My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
