I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
