Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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