how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
