hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
