Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
