Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm gonna fight the coyote
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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