He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
