Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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