The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
