operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
