wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
