Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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