I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize