Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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