Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
