I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!