6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
