Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
