She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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