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The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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