I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
