I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
