I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just had sex on a roof
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
