fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
