You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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