Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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